How the Labour Party was reclaimed!

A long time ago in a Labour movement far,

far away...

The forces of evil had taken over the Labour Party. Blair look down upon his work feeling secure that any opposition had been terminated. The rebel cause was surely lost, the Labour Party could not be saved. Even the chosen one George Galloway would not join the fight to topple Blair and his minions after his surreal stint on Celebrity Big Brother.

The Rebel leader Len McCluskey sat in the darkness furrowing his brow. Sitting at his work station he glared at the reminders of the days when Labour was good and true. With a sigh and the mannerisms of a man weighed down by the most aggressive melancholy he looked at his Old Labour Liberty badge with its once bright emblem now faded, as he slugged his whiskey his eyes wondered to a photo of former Labour MP George Galloway. A thought entered his mind. No surely not, it can't be done, Tony Blair is in space! Len picked up the phone and dialled those fateful numbers, it may have been the drink, it may have been desperation but it had to be done. He reached the answer-phone message service, once its screaming tone was complete the words Len said would change Labour forever.

"Hello George it's Len.

Look I don't have much time, our rebels are busy fighting at Falkirk. I know you think we can't win and maybe your right but there might be a way. I have an idea and it's so crazy it might just work and your the only man with a hope in hell of doing it. Everyday Blair gets stronger as his disembodied head floats through the universe, it's the centre of New Labour's power. If you can find a way to destroy it I think the whole damn Labour Party will be saved."

Len put down the phone and sat contemplating when suddenly the phone began to ring. Len's shaking hand reached for the phone, it was Ed Miliband, a man McCluskey trusted to forward the Rebel cause. Len spoke.

"Good you're alive! How did the Falkirk operation go?"

There was a brief silence as Miliband replied,

"It's over Len. I was never one of yours, I called in the storm-troopers, your men are dead and you're next. You just couldn't see it could you? The old ways are gone and you just had to get in the way of Blair's new order old man".

As Ed hung up there was an ominous knock at Len's door. Before he had time to react the door burst open and Len was gunned down by two storm-troopers, the bullets ripped though him as he gave a last battle cry. The smoke vaporised from the end of the gun barrels and all was deathly silent. The Rebel leader McCluskey lay dead in a pool of blood, his hand still gripping tight his Old Labour Badge.

 Galloway eventually received Len's last request. His watery eyes filled with a look of grim determination. He walked into his garden where he kept his personal spaceship and shot out of the earth's atmosphere within minutes. Soon he set a rocketing pace through the cosmos deep into the darkest reaches of the universe.

On his radio-set he began to hear indistinct islamophobic mutterings and repeated hollow rhetoric. Blair was near. Galloway gazed upon the horrific sight that was Tony Blair massive head, his wild treacherous eyes staring behind a fixed fake grin. His only visible weaknesses seemed to be the small cracks in his teeth caused by his constant smiling. Galloway armed his missiles and attempted to auto-lock onto one of the cracks with the missile guidance system but the missile simply bounced off of Blair indestructible shit-eating grin. All seemed to be lost when the ghostly voice of Len McCluskey seemed to ring through Galloway's ears and resonate through the vacuum of space.

"Turn off the guidance systems! Use your own will. You have to believe Labour can be reclaimed. Believe! Believe!".

Galloway did as the voice told him as ignoring this advice would be bad ghost etiquette. He closed his eyes and pictured a Labour Party free of Blairism. He could see the sunny days ahead, children playing and a Party to be proud of. A Party that would grant the working class extensive well meaning reforms, a party that would not overthrow the evils of capitalism but make everything a little bit nicer until the reforms would be ultimately reversed by a future reactionary government. Galloway shed a tear at the prospect of this future. With only his belief he fired the missile, it hit the crack in Blair's teeth shattering them. Blair tried to scream but he could not be heard in the silent depths of space. A look of terror gripped him as his face began to explode. His eyeballs popped out of his skull and hurtled into the vastness of the universe. His skull broke into shards allowing chunks of warm slimy brain and tissue to spread across the galaxy like a putrid flower opening its rancid petals.

And with that the Labour Party was saved.